Not WHY, it's HOW!

September 25, 2010
Day 9 – Not WHY, It’s HOW!

Today, I want to see and speak with the family. The first week away is always the roughest. I am still getting acclimated to the environment and culture. While that transition is happening I am naturally dealing with missing all of my peeps. So today, I will more than likely be in touch with the family throughout the day; and because of technology…I CAN! LOL!! It’s good to hear that the family has enjoyed these journal entries. I believe everyone takes a little something different from them, but it is important to me that you all find them ‘good reads’.

So, after my meditations and communications with the family today, I have an appointment WITH the beach and AT the beach. I have a client today…KOFI! I know that you all are probably getting ready to laugh, but this one is little bit more on the serious side. I need to talk with him about his relationships with his Brothers and Esi. The major issue is the WAY he communicates to them. He is too harsh with them. Too many insults and when he is disturbed, he complains about the smallest things. It’s actually something that I have spoken to him about over the years, but it came to a head the other day. Paa Ekow wanted to leave and had crazy attitude. They all came into my chalet. Papa Mensah mentioned out loud that Paa Ekow is annoyed today. I said, “Oh Paa Ekow, what is it, Son?” He didn’t answer. I mentioned Papa Mensah and he didn’t respond. I mentioned Kofi and WHOAH!!!! The look that this young man had on his FACE. GANGSTA!!!! I said, “Kofi, what did you do?” He told me some story which isn’t even that important. The WHY isn’t the issue here, it’s the HOW do you communicate with your peeps? Paa Ekow cut Kofi off with a few remarks in that Gangsta tone, with the ‘cut you’ expression on his face. It was upsetting Kofi more where now Kofi was allowing that energy on his face and he had the nerve to say, “Oh Dad, you see the way that he talks to his Senior Brother?! He even speaks to our Father likes this!” I looked at Kofi and just gave him the ‘We are going to have a long talk today, Big Brother’ look. So, I heard Paa Ekow out once Kofi left the room and it was exactly what I want to address today. He is tired of Kofi’s insults and attitude toward him. He said that he doesn’t like the way that he talks to him. I told him that I agree, but THAT’S your Brother. Your Brother that HAS always and WILL always look out for you. So, don’t EVER turn your back on him. Soon, Kofi came for Paa Ekow and they rode off on the motorcycle to Elmina…Paa Ekow was OUT! Well, not just because of the incident, but also because he is traveling to his new school on Monday and has to get his stuff ready. Peace Son, back to Senior Secondary School.
Now, when Paa Ekow and Kofi left, Esi comes in now with her complaints about the way that Kofi treats his Brothers and even his Father. She explained to me that it is because of Kofi, why Paa Ekow left today. I am starting to wonder now where this conversation is going, because it doesn’t sound like a supportive Wife looking out for her man. She continues and told me that she even spoke to Kofi a few times about the way that he speaks to his Father. I listened and agreed. THEN she comes out with remember when I told you that I would not marry Kofi, Dad? I said, “Yes.” She said, “I can’t marry a liar.” I knew that I was in for a journey now. I buckled my seatbelt and checked to make sure it was fastened properly and took that deep breath before TAKE OFF. Let’s go Daughter, what’s up? Without going into too much detail, she explained that she believes that Kofi has been cheating on her and also she doesn’t like the way that he speaks to her either. But the cheating thing, lying and going to see other girls has been resting heavily on her heart for some time now. I’m so happy that I fastened by seat belt because that was some serious turbulence for me. Kofi?! I still can’t believe it. He is sociable and probably draws more attention since he has been the Property Manager of Ocean Breeze and the various projects; but to be running around with other women? I can’t see it. But then again, I’m supposed to be wearing glasses when I drive, so I can’t see a lot of things. LOL! “I got it Daughter and I will address it, alright?” She said, “Alright Dad.”

In walks Papa Mensah on the tail end of this ‘Esi ride’ through ‘Kofiland’. I asked him about these things and Papa is truly a diplomat. He has never been one to put Kofi ‘under the bus’. And from WAY back he has been the one to catch MOST of Kofi’s attitude and insults. Papa has a cool, calm and collective way about him, but he will sting Kofi if Kofi comes a little too strong. So Papa finally told me that he believes that there may be some merit to what Esi is saying about the trust issues. WHAAAAAAT?! Even Papa believes it to be true?! Damn, this is what MY beach time today is going to be about?! You know I am already forecasting a long counseling session today with Kofi in Yemoja’s office. So, I decided that I will get myself ready and hit the beach while Kofi is gone in order to get MY time in. “Hey Oludumare, you’re very funny!” RAIN RAIN RAIN! I’m talking, ‘gotta bring the clothes in off of the lines with a poncho’ type of rain. So, I smiled and sat my butt back down and reached out again to the family. As I was getting play by play commentary via YM of Nile and Rajuma’s football games, I notice that the rain is slowing down and the sun is coming out. I am encouraged that I am going to get my time in. It has been about 2 hours now of rain and I know that Kofi has some serious running around to do because he asked me for an advance on his salary so that he could pay Paa Ekow’s school fees. So that means that he will have to go change money; pick up one or two things for the house from the market, bring the money to his Father’s house. Then of course he will make a few stops before returning, because that’s what everyone does when they go to Elmina and Cape Coast. So in essence, I have time. As I am wrapping up the end of Rajuma’s game which was the second game, I see that the sun has come back out, fully. I have to end this session and hit the beach family. As I am typing my ‘Peace and Goodbyes’, don’t I hear a motorcycle putt puttin’ up the hill?! WOW!!!!! “Alright Oludumare, you ARE funny.” So Kofi and I descended down to the beach together the way that The Most High wanted it today.

I am so amazed that our beach here looks so magical after all of my years coming here. This beach is majestic and divine. Truly a place that will forever be timeless. What a blessing it is to have this as Ocean Breeze’s backyard. It’s YOURS too family, so don’t trip. So, the beach, Yemoja, me and Kofi. We sat down and I began to talk about what we need at Ocean Breeze as we move forward. Then I transitioned into one of my personal stories that all of you are so familiar with. The way that I tell my own story to bring a lesson forward. I went for the comfort zone thing first. I told him that I don’t believe that your Brothers, Father and Esi have OBey in their souls the way that you and Esther do. Because of that, they don’t meet your expectations. I told him that he has to do something about that before I do. They can always help you, but they don’t need to be here as much as they are when I am around. They can help you with certain things and visit me, but not as staff. Esi will be going away to cooking school so she will be out anyway. So we need to train up a Cook before I return in January. It was a bit rough for him, but he knew that it was true and accepted that pretty well. Then I went on to the HOW you communicate thing. Very sensitive area. I told him what I had been seeing and hearing over the years and I don’t like it. I gave him a chance to explain himself and I said, “Now, I’m warning you. I don’t want to hear anything about ‘they’ or this person or that person. Tell me about Kofi, I and me.” He started off running and was about to speak about the others right away and what they do and don’t do and caught himself. I looked at him and he said, “Alright Dad.” He then began to explain all of his standards and expectations and it was leading us to the place of people don’t meet my expectations so that is why I speak to them the way that I do. You know I seen THAT ONE coming. I stopped him and told him that Son, I know where this is going. I don’t want to hear about the WHY you talk to them the way that you do, I want you to address the HOW you speak to them. I gave him a personal example by RIPPING into him with the vulgarity and aggression about something that he did recently at Ocean Breeze. Then I brought it with the cool, sarcastic energy that I usually bring. I asked, “Did that first one feel good?” He nodded no. He looked at me and said, “Alright Dad, I get it.” I gave him some tips on how to change that behavior and I believe that he will work on it.

Now it is time for the BANGER…ESI. And I forgot to tell you that Esi had concerns about how I was going to address the trust thing. She was anxious that I may convey to Kofi that she was telling on him and wanted me talk to him. I told her that I wouldn’t do that. So I put it in Kofi’s hands. I told him that when a woman is in LOVE and knows that she has a good man that can support her, she doesn’t tell people that “I won’t marry.” “Something is wrong there, Kofi. What did you do?” He told me about finances and what she expects and because he doesn’t meet her expectations, then she get annoyed and thinks that he is holding money back from her. I listened to all of that, but you all know what I want to talk about. So, I told him that I hear you and finances are always at the top of the list when it comes to problems in relationships. But the way she said what she said, “I won’t marry.” There’s a trust issue going on. Talk to me about other women. Now things became very interesting. I never seen Kofi squirm about women before, which made me wonder if he really does have some “Playa Playa” in him. After two stories that I know were not the cases that Esi brought to me, I asked, “Could there be ANY OTHER issues with women?” He gave me the emphatic “NO NO NO!” I asked him, “How would he feel if I called Esi right now and asked her?” He said, “No problem.” I took the phone so that there would be no Fante going on before I spoke with her. I asked if there were any issues with other women that I need to address Kofi with. She told me that she is with the Grandmother so she would rather talk face to face with Kofi and me. I told her that I wanted a yes or no to my question. She said, “YES.” I told Kofi and then like a bug buzzed into his head he JUST remembered something that came to him. LOL!! I rubbed his head and said, “Yeah, I figured that you would.” Anyway, it was yet another story that made Esi look like she is a jealous maniac; so I just listened. We finished by talking about our plans for the rescued child that we will bring back to Brenu and then I went to Yemoja to get a little ‘work’ in. We went up the hill and Esi was already preparing food. Kofi had a nice tone as we settled in the house. Esi seemed a bit surprised, but flowed with it. I requested something that Esi didn’t remember and Kofi jumped in to prepare it WITH her. They talked nicely and it was a beautiful scene. Plus I didn’t want to bring any issues while they were preparing MY FOOD. You all know how I am about my food and energy. I will fast for a week if I have to rely on someone with attitude to prepare it for me. LOL!! So, my food is on the table and I’m ready to eat. I said, “So Daughter, I almost forgot that there is something that you want to talk about?” It is now that Kofi decides he is ready to go and eat HIS dinner before it “Spoils”. Yeah yeah yeah Son, sit down and relax. Esi clams up and won’t speak now. Kofi said, “Maybe she wants me to leave Dad.” I said, “I spoke with each of you alone already. I don’t want to have the same talk with you two alone. I’m ready for the group session.” He sits back down. I ask Esi, do you want Kofi to leave? Whe said, “Yes, Dad.” She is noticeably nervous, but I am trying to help her push through. Esi, you want him to leave and then you and I are going to talk about the same thing? She said, “Oh, he can stay.” She brought IT and WHOAH did she BRING IT. I kept looking at Kofi with the ‘Oh you had nothing else to tell me, huh Son?’ look. I wouldn’t let Kofi speak so that we could hear all that Esi had to say. Then it was Kofi’s turn. Wheeew, did Esi give off some HEAT as Kofi weaved his story. Whoah! The LOOKS from her. The remarks in Fante, that I didn’t even WANT to know what she said. It was clear that these two were either going to need to work on their relationship and fast or this is coming to a quick end. Kofi said, “Dad, you made me respect her time and now look at her. She keeps coming in with whatever she wants to say.” I told Esi to chill. She continued, and I just kept telling her to chill. Kofi went on and on with his stories. I had to threaten him at one point by telling him, “Son, if this story does not lead to the person in question, then I am going to cane you!” He FINALLY got to the point and it sounded like he was being true to his character. I still believe that Kofi is not all that Esi believes him to be. I also believe that Esi is extremely jealous and insecure and that she needs much more time to develop and be exposed to more of the world (Ghana) before getting into a serious relationship. My main reason for entertaining all of this today was because in looking forward at our Healing Compound, we cannot have the Caretakers of the property moving around here with all of that tension and attitude. I would rather we send everyone away and hire staff that just does the job and goes home. That’s what I brought to them today. I told Kofi, “Your Brothers and Father are OUT and ESI is OUT.” I don’t want anyone else experiencing what I have experienced already in my short time being here. Not easy for him, but he needed that bitter pill.
When I explained this to Esi and how she is my Daughter and that we will always take care of her, she responded with “Kofi needs to go his way and I will go mine, Dad. I will always come when you are here to take care of you and whatever you need, but I will now only take Kofi as a friend from today going.” WOW. “Esi, Daughter. CHILL. Relax. Don’t make decisions when you are angry like this.” She told us that, “Dad I have made my mind up last month and just did not say anything.” Wow, that shut me down right there. I looked at Kofi and asked, “Are you going to fight for her to stay?!” He said, “Dad, she knows that you are my Father and knows how much I love you and that you are my Spiritual Teacher. If she can say such things like she will not marry me and she wants to break up, then I have to think that she is very serious and that she has been holding on to this. So, I have to remember that God has the plan for me and if this is what God has planned then I will be fine.” It’s very clear that Kofi has NOT been intimate with Esi, because THAT little reasoning would have sounded much different! LOL!!! But I get it, my wise and spiritually endowed Son.

I love my children, but it was clear the last time that I was here in Ghana that they were not compatible as mates. But they are very good friends and that was my goal today. To help them to see that they have to resolve issues so that they preserve their friendship. PLUS, You can’t be PISSING OFF my COOK, SON! LOL!!!

“I’m awake, I have worked, and I’ve been blessed. It’s Time to Take Me Home!”

Love family.